My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
