I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
