got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
