Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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