Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
