The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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