u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
