Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Randomize
