i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
