we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
