Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
