Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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