Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
