They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
This house was built for laser tag.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
