Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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