No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
