went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
