I like my sex mixed with concussions.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
