Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
