Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
That accounts for only three of the penises
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
