Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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