You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
