I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize