You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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