Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize