I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
