two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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