Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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