hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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