I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
