And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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