kristin has been a bad kristin
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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