She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
