It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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