I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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