But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
