i just sent this text using only my big toe
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
