I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
