I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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