Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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