Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
