somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
