Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
