he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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