A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
