Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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