yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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