I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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