Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
