1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
