hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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