dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
