Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
