hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
