Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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