I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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