So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
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Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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