'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
