am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Randomize
