At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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