Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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