i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
