anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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