I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
