How'd it feel making her break her religion?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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