I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
