Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
