i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
