If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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