I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
