happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
