We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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