I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
