Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
