please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
