Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
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ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
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hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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